Elaine Allison

A woman must lead differently than her male counterparts. Culturally our society just won’t let a woman lead like a man. So if a woman boss can’t be as commanding, nor become too soft, how does she find the middle ground and still get things done?

Women do lead differently; they are not hard-wired the same as men. The problem is, we sometimes code the behaviours exhibited by a woman manager as wrong. For instance, women will cry in the boardroom. They have more emotional centres in the brain; it is like trying to hold back a sneeze. Most of us see it as a sign of weakness because men rarely do it.

Women have to be extra mindful of their actions, especially when leading large groups of women, or in a male dominated field.

Canada has not kept up with the diversity of training offered in other countries, especially Europe. Canada doesn’t even rank in the top 15 countries for women in the legislature. Rwanda is first, with 48.8 per cent of seats held by women.

How can a woman lead with grace and eloquence and still get the results she wants without alienating the very team she needs to get things done? I have provided 25 “velvet hammer” techniques in my book The Velvet Hammer; PowHERful Leadership Lessons for Women Who Don’t Golf, targeted at women who want to lead. Below are a few tips.

Never gossip. Avoid making the trip to the water cooler or bending the ear of a colleague when you are upset. The urge to talk it over can be overwhelming and the mean girl syndrome can begin. If you want to gossip, phone your mother or a friend.

Never attack. Avoid using the word “you” when criticizing; focus on the issue or inappropriate conduct by naming it, and describe the impact it has on the business at hand. Define what it would be like if it were corrected.

Don’t argue publicly. When someone is visibly upset with you or your wishes, don’t come to the fight – you won’t win. Neutralize the situation by confirming they have a challenge or issue and that you’re willing to discuss it after the meeting, or privately. If you defend your point at that moment, you make them wrong and the attack will continue. If you agree or back down, you look weak. Delay the fight when you can. If it is in an emergency, life or death situation – you will need to make a decision and discuss it later.

Elaine Allison is an international professional speaker, author and president of training and consulting firm Positive Presentations Plus Inc. For book launch details visit www.thevelvethammer.com.