Ideas We Are Glad We Didn’t Have This Week, Vol. 183:
1) You’ve had more than 3,000 days to wait for a fix to the beguiling housing mess we said we would solve. If you can wait another 3,500 or so, our 10-year plan should address it for a few of you – City of Vancouver.
2) Let’s hire some supporters, pretend they’re real people who will benefit from our eventual increased education spending to counter what the BC Liberals did and did not, and post it on Facebook as a non-partisan provincial government message – BC NDP.
3) Let’s note the BC Liberals did it, too, so in a way we’re not all that bad in doing it – BC NDP.
4) I can gain support by condemning a peaceful protest against racism by suggesting the demonstrators are sons of bitches and it isn’t about race, forcing franchise owners who donated to my campaign and their commissioner to condemn my condemnation – the U.S. president.
5) We have no idea how we are going to sell cannabis in the province next year, but we might allow the dozens of black-market marijuana dispensaries in Vancouver to go legit when it is legalized – BC NDP.
6) Let’s be clear: we can end street homelessness, if everyone else ends it – City of Vancouver.
7) I want you to focus on my ideas to make me BC Liberal leader – Those Who Entered The Race On The Same Day As Someone Else.
8) Our new housing plan can provide affordability, if everyone else takes the lead – City of Vancouver.
9) I should focus my energy as the free world’s leader on a game’s anthem ceremony instead of a territory’s devastation from a hurricane – the U.S. president.
10) Let’s forget about the partisan patronage appointments we complained about four years ago and do the same, only openly – BC NDP.
11) Let me describe these appointments as offensive, hypocritical and sickening in the latest of my tirades about the direction the province has taken. Let me continue to fully support the government – BC Green Party Leader Andrew Weaver.
12) I need to admit I am not a morning person, even though the television show for which I am being paid millions of dollars is at the unheavenly hour of 9 a.m. – NBC’s Megyn Kelly.
13) We cannot blink in the face of withering criticism for a clumsy attempt to curtail excessive tax finessing, even if polls are suggesting we are losing support, and it would not hurt us to give more time to the scant consultation period to cool the political temperature – the federal Liberals.
14) We haven’t enough pumpkin spice – every food chain.
15) Our business model might be enhanced by doubling the length of Donald Trump’s messages – Twitter.
16) It is in our national security interest to declare that America declared war on us – North Korea.
17) We are no longer pursuing a new arena and the issue is dead. And we’re a have-not market now. And we’re not bluffing! – Calgary Flames president Ken King.
18) I can delete my passionate tweets supporting the guy who lost the Alabama senate primary tonight and no one will ever notice – the U.S. president.
19) Let’s go meet the guy with the passionate tweets – Pittsburgh Penguins.
20) We are sad that we cannot ban balloons in our parks – dissenting park board commissioners.
21) I am positive as an icon of a generation that I can undo generations of hunting grizzlies and persuade government to do so by singing a melancholy version of “Teddy Bears’ Picnic” and posting it online – Miley Cyrus.
22) Let’s hold a $525 dinner and celebrate it as the last one of its kind – John Horgan.
23) To help the public understand the economic consequences of the Site C hydroelectric project, let’s prevent the public from seeing the independent review we commissioned – BC Utilities Commission.
24) We won’t tax Facebook or Google, but we will cajole them into helping the media whose content they depend on – the federal Liberals.
Kirk LaPointe is editor-in-chief of Business in Vancouver Media Group and vice-president of Glacier Media.
